Today, while editing photos, I've been contemplating my journey with photography. It occurred to me that it has been a gift. My gift from God. When I look through my camera and capture moments in time, it is a salve to my soul. I've always been a creative person and I always seem to be looking for creative outlets. I seem to be finding a true-love in photography, one that is lasting and patient and forgiving. And it's something I've needed.
Having married at 19 (gasp!) and immediately starting a family, I've spent my 20's as a mother and a wife. I didn't finish college and I never had any sort of career. Until recently, none of that has bothered me. Perhaps it was entering into the last year of my 20's that has made me yearn a little for the things I may have "missed," for the things I haven't done and the places I haven't been. I recognize the selfishness behind these feelings and desire to overcome them. In my experience, blessing-counting is usually a good way to defeat selfishness and today I found one blessing that I'd overlooked.
Lately, the demands of my motherly-role have been increasing to the point where I feel myself approaching a fork in the road. With a fifth child incoming and the scheduling demands of the older children, a choice demands to be made. Will I give myself over more completely, more selflessly than ever, to my divine role as a mother? I see clearly that this must be my path, but my "natural man" shies away from it, terrified of the responsibility and frightened that I may lose my own ability to shine.
But a loving Father understands. He's been hearing all of my fears and waiting, I think, for me to catch up. In the meantime, photography found me. It's becoming a balancing force in my life. I can still be creative and find personal satisfaction in it. I can still be challenged and grow in skill and ability, which is something I think we all crave. And, most importantly, my hobby can be a perfect companion for my role as a mother. I don't have to separate my life into compartments, but instead the different aspects and interests in my life can complement and bless each other. As long as I don't let photography take anything away from my family, it will continue to bring joy and balance to my life.
And I get the reward of capturing, forever, moments like these:
And sometimes, it even takes my breath away...
This photo found here.
5 comments:
Oh Angie, these pictures are beautiful. You truly have been given a gift from God. I have to admit that your post brought tears to my eyes. I think that your post hit a soft spot with me and probably most stay-at-home moms. Our identity begins to get lost in our children, and our husbands and that selfish longing to be something or someone else tends to creep in from time to time. Luckily we all have eachother for strength when our guard is down. Amazing how the Lord always seems to know when and how to step into our lives to pick us up. Thank you for your post.
You have always been very created and gifted. Your pictures are fantastic. You are definitely capturing the best part of being a mom. Love ya!
I agree that it's hard when you realize you really have to give most of yourself to your kids and there's little left for you. I'm glad you have something you can still do while being a mom. My music will have to wait- perhaps indefinitely! I can't even sit down at the piano without help on either side. Oh well. Who's in the last picture?
Thank you for sharing. I love photography too. Even though I am nowhere near as good at it as you are but I totally understand how it can be something fun for mom while they are having their fun. Thanks again for sharing!
I loved reading this post! It's so honest! I've been feeling some of those same feelings and I'm only waiting for number 3. It's reassured me, yet again, that I'm not alone, and that Heavenly Father wants us to be doing this! This is his most important work! I am constantly feeling the need to be creative and find myself grumpy without an outlet sometimes...so I've really appreciated reading this today! Love ya!
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